Life has overwhelmed me, and knocked my mind into coma.
I skipped 2 workoutdays, and it's depressing me.
Why does everything have to happen at the same time?
It feels like my body is filled with cement, and every move feels like a huge effort.
Just wanting to stare at the wall, and pretend I'm not here.
Good things have happened, but the changes that are to be made are transistions that take energy.
Changes:
1. Im moving in 2.5 weeks, this was decided 2 weeks ago as me and my room mate dont get along towell. So I decided to move, as a better option came up in the same building.
2. trying to make my roommate pay their bills, is not easy......
3.getting a new job, and all the stuff that happens around that.
4. Having my exams and my final assignment at the same time, being way overdue on starting
them and really being stressed out about it.
5. feeling pretty angsty, scared, pathetic. and mildly depressed.
6. applying for a postproduction job, on top of this again (2nd interview)
7. really wondering if I have what it takes to become a good photographer, as I really just want to sleep all day long. When I look at my previous stuff I see potential, but when things are tough i just want to give up.
Did my workout today, just did it!
Have been doing my diet as usual, and made a pretty nice tomato puree sauce to go with pasta.
Small stuff like that makes me happy . Some of the sets just seem crazy long, and sometimes have too take a two second break in the middle of them to complete. The jumprope routine is getting easier, and im actually feeling like im getting the hold on the set practice. i did 1935 jumps today alltogether, that felt pretty cool .
Also tried to find nice uplifting audiobooks (especially about people who start their own businesses or projects, and suceed at it!) I really liked Julia Child's Biography, although its about all that nice food one can not eat at the moment.
I just found it nice to hear her story about not giving up on creating the cookbook of her dreams (took her 10+ years). If any of you guys have any suggestions on any good uplifting audiobooks, they are greatly appreciated.
Oh and Im a sucker for anything old lady stuff like traveling memoirs, around europe, italy and france.
(This time just isnt right for Poe or Dostoyevsky) Oh and no Charlene Harris, her books are imho badly written, and boring(yadda yadda vampire, blood, death, a bit fighting, and a bunch of horny bloodsuckers..on constant repeat)
So quality tips please, and thank you in advance.
I guess I will just have to accnowledge my failures(and victories) this past week, and just try harder this week.
Im just so looking forward to see that this month ends, getting away from this apartment that is dirty and falling apart, where nothing works and is just a dump with paper walls.
Hearing your housemate fornicate/ or vice versa does get pretty boring after a while.
Keep going Maren, part of this is life, part of it is the PCP Valley!
ReplyDeletethank you patric. Hoping that I will manage to get everything done, and not just be paralysed by it all. On a lighter smaller note, Im really happy that the last meal of the day is just some fruit and milk. easier to prepare, and easier to eat at that time of the day.
ReplyDeleteI hope just writing it all down made you feel better -- sometimes that can be really helpful. Moving is really stressful, so I know your situation must be bad if you're willing to move in the middle of the PCP. When you can't feel relaxed at home, it's hard to stay on an even keel.
ReplyDeleteJulia Child's story is totally amazing! If you haven't seen the movie "Julie and Julia" I would recommend it, except it'll make you want to cook all sorts of stuff with butter. But she was definitely so inspiring. Still is.
I went to look at my bookshelf to find something for you and evidently I love depressing books. I'm currently reading "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo" but the writing is so bad I think I'm going to quit and just see the movie. Do you like Isabel Allende? She has a new book out.
Hang in there! I know you can get through this rough patch.
The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo movie was fantastic, haven't read the book though.
ReplyDeleteHang in there Maren! A lot of that will pass sooner than you can notice. We only have a short while now, at the 2/3 mark!
PCP = Peak Change Project! Change is neither good or bad, it is just different. You cannot change change, so just go with it! Eat well, exercise hard, move your stuff, get your job, do your studies...LIVE your life!
ReplyDeleteAnd not matter how hard something seems RIGHT NOW, once it is done it ALWAYS seems like it wasn't so bad...look back at the first two weeks of PCP; how "hard" was back then!
Stay at it -- you are doing great!
Maybe you need some comedy in your life. If so, Bill Bryson is hilarious, particularly with audio versions, David Sedaris is great and deals with awkwardness and his difficulties getting a handle on people in his life, A Year of LIving Biblically is a riot and Haruki Murakami is just an amazing writer (though this one isn't comedy at all). For something light and not-too-didactic The Happiness Project is a good exploration of this woman making changes in her life that is a good PCP-parallel world.
ReplyDeleteWe're cheering for you, Maren, from all over the world!
Maren, where are you? Are you doing okay? Sending all good wishes for you...
ReplyDeleteSorry guys, THANK YOU FOR ALL THE ADVICE AND TIPS.
ReplyDeleteTAra: I LOVE ALLENDE, and will def check out her latest book.
JEnnfier : I have been thinkning about reading sedaris for a long time, so I will try to find some of his stuff to listen to.
Renfield, Mikheal, Thank you so much for all the postive motivation.
thank you thank you thank you.